Prescription Pollution
How come the side effects on a lot of medications seem worse than the actual illness that is being treated? Is America so hung up on 'healthy living' that we are willing to accept the possible risk of growing a partial third extremity from the base of our necks because the pills make life better? Well, I don't like the implications of that. No siree! In the rare times I am supposed to take prescription drugs I won't have anything to do with them if they say much more than 'take with water'. Naturally, of course, if they say not to take with alcohol I rush right to the liquor store on the way home from the pharmacy*. Unless I happen to have a partial fith of Vodka rolling around on the floor of my truck. But then chances are if that's the case I am probably already drunk by the time I get to the doctors office in the first place. But I digress... Ah yes! Anyway, I am sure there are plenty of legit reasons for a lot of folks to take various kinds of pills for whatever ails them. But there are also plenty of abuses going on either on behalf of the medical and/or insurance community or the hopeless hypocondriacs to keep the market flooded with 'designer' medications specifically made for the various neurosis developed by flabbergasted soccer moms who are probably so high on SUV fumes they couldn't tell if they were really sick in the first place. I guess the point I'm trying to make is unless there is really something seriously wrong is it worth throwing chemicals down your neck if the warning label reads something like this:
Side effects may include: Muscle aches, diarrhea, heartburn, the hives, itchy scrotum, mushy skull, ear flatulence, mung, the heebie-jeebies, hammer-toe, sudden bone disappearance, spontaneous combustion, interrupted ventricular flow, cotton mouth, pizza face, noodle head, unexpected heart loss, the sudden appearance of lesions that resemble the Virgin Mary, allergic reactions to anything made up of atoms, substantial body hair growth, incriminating outbursts, anal leakage, misshapen eyebrows, the urge to kill, bacterial meningitis, alien pod growths, intense blistering of the feet, a dire need to eat ham, discoloration of the genitals, a waxy buildup behind the eyes, a strange resemblance to Walter Cronkite, unexplained nudity, psychological dysfunction, heartworms, a tendency to be slovenly, the desire to wear pork chops as cloths, paranoid delusions, re-birth marks, patchy hair loss, disheveled appearance, nostril fungus, may cause armpits to smell like back bacon, feral regression, pompous attitude, constant craving for human flesh, exploding teeth, over-zealousness, lack of any morals what-so-ever, invisible leg syndrome, myopic lung juxtaposition, cranial hemorrhaging, the desire to see Liza Minelli naked, facial warts, glandular pustules, intense dislike for anything that smells like citrus, various larval staging, morbid sensibility, super chronic halitosis, burning sensation in the left eye, rib cage collapse, onioning of the liver, the ability to see spirits, perpendicular mustache syndrome, the inability to feel emotions, methane burn, frothing of the ears, the false sensation of being immersed in a vat of marmalade, brain melt, uterine slag, emotion sickness, an uncontrollable urge to become a midget, joining a cult, pectoral fin growth, personal hygiene neglect, various welts, skewed vision, facial warping, blatant disregard for the elderly, disturbing behavioral traits, weeping pores, blockiness of the head, disdain for things manufactured by elves, tail regeneration, uncontrollable vomiting, bodily temperature drop to well below freezing, unstoppable whining, annoying nasal whistling, droopy eye syndrome, blog misuse, and cranial foppishness. If one or more of these symtoms persist beyond your insurance’s ability to provide hospitalization for more than six years consult a mortician.And that's why I still chew the wolf's bane.
~C
*Sometimes the pharmacy also sells liquor. How convenient is that?
